Sunday, June 13, 2010

Little White Lies

4/5/13 - I was told that "Little White Lies" is not the best title for this post, however, I hope you will still read it along with the comments from my readers. Thank you. defines white lie as “a minor, polite, or harmless lie; fib.” Its second definition is, “an often trivial, diplomatic or well-intentioned untruth.”

My fourteen year old daughter and I have some rare alone-time. She needs shoes for the eighth grade dance and we’re out shopping.

Leaving one shoe store, headed for another, I spot the bridal store. For years, my wedding dress has hung in my closet, and recently, my deceased mother-in-law’s wedding gown has taken up residence in another closet. My father-in-law gave it to my daughters, hoping that one of them might want to wear it some day.

Back to the bridal store…

Hayley and I go in to buy two preservation kits. “Hmmm…more expensive than I thought.”

I ask the sales rep, “If I buy two, would you be able to give me a discount?”

“No, I’m sorry. Another company handles this.”
“Oh. I’ll give it some thought.”

“Did you buy your dress here?”
“Yes, but it was over fifteen years ago.”

“Well if you decide to get the kits, just tell them you bought both dresses here and you’ll get a $60 discount off each.”
(My thought, “Good deal, but…I didn’t buy ‘both’ here.”)

I leave the store, but come back five minutes later to get “one” kit. My sales rep is gone, so I tell another sales rep about the discount that was offered to me earlier - for the dress that I’d bought here years ago. Of course, my name is not in the computer because my purchase was so long ago, but the manager decides to honor the offer quoted to me by the first sales rep.

As my daughter and I walk to the car, the thought occurs to me that she has watched and listened to the whole transaction. "What does she think? Something? Nothing?"

I’m wondering, “Did she notice the salesperson advising me to tell ‘the little white lie’ so that I can get a discount on ‘both’ kits”? I say to her, “Hayley, when I decide to buy the second kit, I won’t say the dress comes from this store – because it didn’t.”

The case of the “discounted wedding preservation kit” made me think about times when I have opted to succumb to the little white lie, like:

* I’ve been given back more change than owed to me.
My defense: “It’s only a dollar, I’m now ‘out’ of the store, and I don’t want to embarrass the employee.”

* My twelve year old paid the kids’ price for her buffet meal.
My defense: “They didn’t ask how old she is, she’s small for her age, and she can barely ‘eat’ the value of the kids’ meal.”

* When Husband and I were younger, newly married, and childless, we went to a museum during its opening month and found out we couldn’t go beyond the first floor because we didn’t have tickets, which were sold out. A “worker bee” employee saw us and asked if we’d like to see the rest of the museum. We said yes, he guided us up an elevator, and we were “in.”
My defense: “We didn’t ask him. It was his suggestion. And maybe he ‘did’ have the authority to let us see the museum without a ticket.”

Since having children, I’m more aware of these “untruths.” And I tend to notice when friends tell their kids to lie about not being home, or being younger to get the child’s admission fee. I’ve also heard, “Tell’em you’re sick and you can’t go,” etc.

Are little white lies harmless?

By the way, the last time we ate at CiCi’s Pizza (this website has audio), my twelve year old spoke up to be sure the person on the register knew she was not a “kid!”

Do you have any “little white lie” or "flat out lie" stories or opinions to share?

6/14/10 - My bloggy friend, Tracey, has corrected me on what a little white lie is. She is comment #7. I got a little carried away with my examples, but, I'll leave the title as is, because it gets the attention of the readers. Thanks Tracy. :)

6/16/10 - Another comment has prompted me to tell you that the "child's fee restaurant incident" happened once and was not noticeable until after I paid. Once I realized it, I should have turned back and had it corrected, but I didn't.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Father's Day and Love Languages

What will you do to celebrate Father’s Day? What gift will you give your husband, your father, or another important male in your life?

Early in my marriage, it was quite a challenge to buy a gift for my husband that he’d love, or at least, a gift that was useful. He seemed to have everything already. I’d ask him to give me a category, or a hint of something he’d like, and he’d smile and say, “Oh, just surprise me.”


If you read my post, “Was I Born Without the Shopping Gene?” you know that I like to get into the mall, zoom in on an item, purchase, and get out.

So, I’d pick up a clothing item or two, and actually ponder over it before making the big decision, then present it on Father’s Day. He’d smile and thank me and the kids, leave the gift out for display that day, and then put it away in his closet on Monday. That would be the last time I’d see it.

Okay…SOME years I’d see the gifts on his body.

(It should have occurred to me that another pair plaid or khaki shorts, a pastel polo shirt, or a polo shirt with horizontal stripes, added to his current collection would have been an easy pick.)

I’ll spare you all the gadgets I’ve bought.

This brings me to my introduction to The 5 Love Languages, a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman. I haven’t read it (yet), but the basic concept was used in a course that my husband and I took, and I’ve always thought it made so much sense.

According to Dr. Chapman, everyone has “a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.” He categorizes these love languages as, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. And, he has discovered that in most relationships, people are attracted to others that have a different language than their own.

In the course that Husband and I took, we were asked to rank our love languages in order of importance, and to let each other know, with the intent of learning to satisfy each others primary language, instead of imposing our own on each other.

Receiving gifts was somewhere in the middle of his list; last on mine.

Soooo…we’ve compromised each Father’s Day. The girls and I make him the requested annual stepping stone (click here to see pictures of stepping stones), and buy him cards that he loves to open and read. Homemade cards and items made at school or church have been popular, too. Then we may go out for dinner at a quiet restaurant.

What are you getting your husband, father, and/or significant other for Father’s Day? I need some ideas! :)

Care to share what your primary love language is, and that of your spouse’s/partner’s.
(Don’t feel you have to say physical touch because it’s more about the touches “outside” of the bedroom…according to author. :) )