Coincidentally, each of my daughters and I have had a
conversation this week about situations involving people being taken for
granted which prompted me to give it further thought. Independent soul I am, I
tend to notice when actions or feelings are not balanced between two
individuals; not that everything has to be tit for tat, but it shouldn’t have
the proportions of Person A giving 95% and Person B giving 5%.
I’ve avoided the obligatory, reciprocal acts by doing things
on my own or by explaining to people in my life that there are certain things I rarely do – like having a big party at my home. Family and close friends
are as much as I can handle, and even that’s because my husband does the
planning, shopping, and cooking! I could never be in a supper club where, let’s
say, five couples have a meal together once a month, rotating homes and cooking
duties; sometimes, the host doing all the cooking and buying all the booze. Or the
other kind of dinner club where mothers of young children trade nights to serve
each other dinner, giving nights off from cooking. I knew a group of women who
did this. On Monday, Mary would cook for Jane, Linda, and Marsha’s families;
plus delivery. Then she’d have three nights of dinners delivered to her family
from Jane on Tuesday, Linda on Wednesday, and Marsha on Thursday.
Not my thing, but I see the advantages of sharing. It’s a win-win
for all involved when no one in the group is taking the others for granted.
So if people know that I don’t host big parties, I’m fine if
I don’t get invited to theirs; or they can invite me if they’d like. (We
usually show up with something in hand.)
The Conversations:
One of my daughters has noticed that her printer is being
“borrowed” by her college housemates at a growing rate, resulting in increasing
ink and paper expense. And let’s not forget wear and tear. Nice girls, they
are: they ask, but they don’t offer – money, that is.
Girl #2 has noticed that having a car to drive means “chauffeuring.”
Fortunately, her closest friends have access to family vehicles and they take
turns at being the driver; however, she sees other situations at school where
the balance is lacking. Some cases can’t be helped (they’re teens), but an
offer of helping with gas is always an option.
Girl #3 isn’t behind the wheel yet and has to rely on parent
chauffeurs – my husband and me or friends’ parents. I’ll admit it – when
another parent drives, it’s a treat for me; however, I’ve had to explain to
darling daughter that the carpooling has to be shared and that she needs to ask
us so that we can figure out if it’s our turn or not. Don’t want to be known as
the slacker parents who take the others for granted!
Bottom line: In all their conversations, the solution
advised was good ol’ communication, as awkward as it can be. If I’m taking
someone for granted, I want to hear it... Really. My feelings might get hurt, I may be
embarrassed, or even annoyed, but if it’s true…
*sigh* I’ll do some something about it. And likewise, if someone’s using
me, or you, knowingly or not, it needs some thought and maybe some action.
The conversations
with my girls pertain to kid stuff, but adults have the same issues… right?
Thoughts?
Image credit is written on the image
